i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize