The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
