I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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