Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
