if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize