I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
