Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize