I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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