I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
