she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize