he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
