I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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