i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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