i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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