You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
