just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
