My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
