cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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