Who wears a wallet chain?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bring money and cleavage
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
