Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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