i just had sex bonerless
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
