I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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