Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
