theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
