see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize