im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
