Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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