hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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