You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
