you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize