I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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