At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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