In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
