Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
