Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
