y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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