I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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