The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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