Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
