I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
