Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
