I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
