His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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