There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
