sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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