dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
