We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
