Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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