i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
