I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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