would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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