On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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