We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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