Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
