Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
