we made out on top of his cat.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
