Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
