My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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