he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
