Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
