Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish I could punch you in the face.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize