Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
