I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize