I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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