If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
