Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
