i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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