Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
