how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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