my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
