Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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