His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
