I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
