Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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