i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wish there were birth control emojis
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
