Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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