Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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