do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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