How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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