Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
