Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
