thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
MIDGETS
????
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize