I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
