i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
