MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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