I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
