The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
