One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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