Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize