There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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