Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
