i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize