dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
