Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's shark week go big or go home
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
