he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
