This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
