new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
